Here’s my unvarnished review after much testing.
I fought internet dating to the end. The concept of someone assessing me the way I judge a pair of shoes I’m contemplating online was unsettling. “I’ll simply meet someone!” I obliviously exclaimed. By then I was 40 and had zero dates. So I joined.
The early months were hell. Any eager coworker who thought internet dating was “fun” got my phone. “Can you do that for me?” I started to appreciate it. (Stockholm Syndrome)
But, especially when you’re in your 40s, not all sites are made equal. So I don’t overburden myself. I’m not a catfish (too late!) I don’t want to date single men. I’m successful and wonderful. I’m not in a hurry. So I called up the experts: two 22-year-olds who know the ins and outs of internet dating.
“I believe there’s a fairly obvious sequence of which dating apps are more serious in terms of getting into anything serious: Hinge, then Bumble, then Tinder,” says Connor, 22.
While vaccinations and boosters have made pandemic dating simpler, getting everyone on the same page about Covid is still a challenge. “It’s difficult to combine chatting with meeting up! Many individuals either want to communicate endlessly or meet straight immediately, which is frustrating for several reasons “Jessica, also 22, agrees. That faith in others’ honesty regarding testing and exposure safety has made me apprehensive.
Then came considerable trial and error with all that information. But from my many actual errors comes authentic direct knowledge. Here are my picks for the top dating sites for women over 40. (Tinder excluded. ) Short story? The world’s finest B.S. monitor doesn’t come cheap.
Bumble
When I initially started online dating, everyone told me this was the best site. Plus, my closest buddy married a Bumble date! Whitney Wolfe, co-founder of Tinder, developed it to empower women in online dating, and it today has over 50 million active users in the US alone. It’s easy to use and displays images and personal information without becoming overpowering. Thousands of individuals have already viewed and liked your profile, but you may gladly stroll through thousands more who haven’t or didn’t swipe right. Its free but restricted membership. A $40 monthly Bumble boost gives you more matches and flexibility to communicate.
My opinion:
I used to only choose from guys who already loved me, but I stopped caring. No way in this dog-eat-dog Bumble world! But, truthfully. I dislike having to message first as a woman. It jars me and makes me feel odd. I got over my shyness and became a Bumble Banter Queen. Peut-être a-t- I formed a number of text-based “connections” that didn’t work out. Bumble made it easy to have a few flings and a relationship, but nothing serious. Wise words: Every profile has a ‘About Me’ area where they state they seek a commitment. They’ll all be lying. Consider their political views as well, if it matters to you. I went on too many dates with Trump fans before discovering to look for the word ‘conservative’ in their profile.
The Bumble verdict? A terrific spot to start your over-40 dating adventure. It’s where I’ve had the most dates, sex, and disappointments.
Hinge Everyone loves Hinge. Initial branding and development concentrated on turning it into the uncommon relationship-oriented dating service that doesn’t feel geeky or serious. Rather than having to send messages to initiate contact, you can just “like” or remark on articles or photographs on a profile. Plus, matches and chats never expire. And, like with any dating app, the best way to work it is to pay $20 a month to become a preferred member and view more matches.
My opinion:
Let me be clear: I got catfished on Hinge! For days, he sent me wonderful messages and images of his baby (my future stepson!). Then he asked if I could send him Amazon Gift Cards. That’s why you need identification verification! He may or may not have tried to blackmail me after I sent him a topless photo. This is one of my 40s’ advantages. I instructed him to email it to anybody he wanted. Who cares? I never heard from him. I didn’t use Hinge again. So, I wish you luck.
eHarmony
A psychologist founded eHarmony to provide a more rational, compatibility-based online dating option for those seeking love. It’s the cure to other applications’ swipe-swipe frenzy. You take a 70-question exam about yourself, your interests, and desires, and they match you with the most suitable people. They’re responsible for 4% of marriages in the US, and their wedded couples have a much lower divorce rate. Go here if you’re serious. The more you spend, the more freedom and matches you receive.
My opinion:
Quiz? Quiz? This thrills me, I’m in. True love? Sure! I want the quiz. eHarmony uses an algorithm to match you with your most suitable options for a rich, deep relationship. [My wonderful, meddling stepmother] urged me to go here if I wanted to get married. I could marry, but I prefer tests. Let’s go! And while I enjoy taking the quiz, it does feel random. Do I agree with my partner’s point of view? I dunno — it depends? What do my friends think of me? Do you believe I know the answer? What if they said? I am. Worst of all, you can’t change your mind later.
My other concern is that once I finish the survey and create my profile, I’m overwhelmed with prospective matches. Too many. Tiny. I need that one-by-one slideshow to acknowledge them as real men with mothers and hearts. Like eBay search results with little portraits. My profile gets a lot of hits, but they’re scattered. Winks, waves, likes, messages, and hellos abound. WTF. Nothing makes sense to me. I stopped it.
League
Although it sounds snobby and has garnered a lot of flak, the emphasis on cutting through the B.S. of dating culture actually connected with me. In addition to 98 percent college degrees, 8 percent PhDs, 30% advanced degrees, 14 percent director-level or higher, 21% managers, 13% CEO’s, founders, co-founders or owners, and over 39 percent estimated six-figure salaries, The League says the women on the app “have consciously prioritized their education and career trajectory.” I’m the greatest, and I want to be the best. It’s refreshingly honest. Membership starts at $199 a month for a restricted pool of matches. The League also requires that you be invited (i.e., know someone who is already using it) and that you connect your LinkedIn account.
My opinion:
It’s like an east coast Raya, full of businesspeople, bankers, and celebrities. Yes, you must pay dearly, but I do not mind! A man in his 40s/50s who expects me to pay his pizza is not someone I want to date. The males seemed more mannered than on other sites.
Because you only get a fixed number of matches every day, it eliminates the panicky, constant swiping. This was tremendous. And because to The League, I got to go on great dates with successful men! While none of them resulted in a relationship (I was exhausted and distrustful of everyone by this time), I would rank The League as the top app for dating after 40. I honestly think you get what you pay for, and now is the time to invest!